I have never had a good relationship with food or my body. From the age of 9 I was hyper aware I was a lot more bigger than the other kids in my class and it destroyed me. I remember being in fourth or fifth grade and making a pact with my friend that we were going to loose weight. I have the most distinct memory of calling her up, discussing how much we each weighed and how we were going to be strong and not eat anymore junk food.
I’m pretty sure I only lasted a couple of days.
Fast forward to my early twenties and not much has changed. I still don’t like looking in the mirror and food is as much as comfort as it is my weakness. Being diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and never being 100% okay with myself, its a recipe for disaster. Clothes to going out to being in a room full of people that I don’t know induce high stress levels and have led once or twice to anxiety attacks.
This June I made a promise myself. I am going to take care of myself and I am going to put into effort into looking into my relationship with food and really look into getting myself as healthy possible. I don’t ever expect myself to be #instagoals or the become the most extreme athlete, but I do expect that I will become that little bit closer to the best version of me I can possibly be. Only time will tell.
The process and journey is going to have to be split into 3 distinct phases: exercise, food and mental health. All three of these things are so intertwined in my relationship to food and exercise and my perception of self that there will probably be a few breakdowns on the way. Things just don’t happen easily for me.
Come back on Wednesday and find out how the first stages of exercise and food went and don’t forget to subscribe with your email so the latest updates come straight to you.
With lots of love,
Bloom and Find.
Photo credit: @claire_adventures